A McDonalds Experience

I know what you're thinking: that I found a sloth toe in my McDonald's french fry. However, I did not find a sloth toe, so rejoice! I just had a humorous encounter with a group of teenage boys. I know what you're thinking: I blinded them with my beauty and they had to flee. No, this is not the case. I know what you're thinking: you think I'm going to say "I know what you're thinking" again sometime in this post. The answer is no.

McDonald's is a special little place where both the rich and the poor can coincide in glorious brotherhood. McDonald's is the glue that holds us together (well, the sticky residue on the McDonald's tables is what holds us together) . It is no surprise then that I would meet a lot of . . . different people at the McDonald's. Today's special encounter was two teenage boys that might be some of the most unintelligent people I have ever seen.

I don't like to be judgmental of people, but frankly, these guys had it coming. Allow me to bequeath my story upon your face, so that you may create your own judgment.

It was the end of my choir picnic at a special park called Deming, and my family was all hungry. So we went to a McDonald's. After parking the van I noticed two teenage boys milling in front of the entrance. One boy was tall and skinny, wore earrings, and talked like a Jersey Shore girl. Let's call him Toolio. The other guy was short with dark hair, so let's call him Quinnious. So, we bypassed Toolio and Quinnious and entered the building. After sitting down, they walked into the general area and stood there for a bit. They looked blank, then Quinnious smiled and pointed to a machine attached to the wall.

"Dude, like, there it is," Quinnious said. He was pointing at one of those computers where you sign up for a job at McDonald's. They grinned and walked up to it. They pushed the button to turn it on.

"Dude, it isn't like, turning on," Quinnious said.

"Dude, oooh noo," Toolio said. The right thing would go and tell the manager.

So they began punching and kicking the computer.

My brother and I were snickering at this point, but I was trying to not make eye contact so all I heard was clunk! clunk!

Finally, Quinnious went and got the manager. I think he might have been the smarter of the two.

"Dude, your sign up thingy isn't on," Toolio said. 

"That's because it's broken," Mortimer (the manager) said.

"NoOoOoOoOoOoO!" Toolio said.

Yes, Toolio just had a Luke Skywalker moment, except Toolio's "no" was probably about twice as long.

Quinnious said something about wanting a job, and the manager told him that spots were available. They chit-chatted for a moment, the manager obviously wary of doing so, having other things to do. Finally, Quinnious doth quoth,

"Does Kelly work here?" Quinnious asked.

"Yes." Mortimer answered.

"NoOoO! Like, ugh! I mean -- I mean -- Kelly? Like, noOoOo! Ugh! Ugh!" Toolio said.

I'm serious.

I'm not quite sure why these boys talked like uneducated and very prissy females, but they did. My brother and I were trying so hard to contain ourselves, the manager noticed. Finally, they just sat down and drank soda. They had no intention of leaving or anything. I mean, McDonald's is okay, but why the heck would you want to hang out there for hours on end? Finally, we left. The last thing we ever heard Toolio say was
"Oh Naaaaaah! Daaaaaaah!"

Never before had I met a person with such a small vocabulary. We are still quoting that final line because it was so hilarious. We say it whenever we get really mad.

I had trouble believing that these guys were real. The way they moved, the way they behaved, it was surreal. Either they were really stupid, or they were determined to put on a show for us. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. 

I know what you're thinking: I'm not giving them the benefit of the doubt.

You're right.

With love,

Esther