Haiku Ninja

Hello, avid readers and Almondo. Today I present you with the wonder that is the haiku.

AUDIENCE: YAY!

I have always been fond of the humble haiku. Can you blame me? They are probably the most succinct form of poetry available. Easy to make, but difficult to master, the haiku provides a short literary challenge to any writer willing to test themselves.

What is the haiku? Thank you for asking! The haiku is a poem of three lines. The first line contains five syllables, the second contains seven syllables, and the third line contains five syllables again. Basically, they look like this:

Five, seven, then five
syllables mark a haiku
aren't they lovely?

If you followed my previous blog, you must know my adoration for these simple forms of art. I like to call myself  Haiku Ninja, Master of Haikuism. That's the highest rank you know. The ranks are

Sandal Scraper
An00bis
Onigiri
Cherry Blossom
Kappa
Haiku Samurai
Haiku Ninja

Right now, you are all Sandal Scrapers, and scrapers you shall remain if you do not choose to embrace the haiku! Call me sensei, please. If you follow my ways, you may reach the level of Kappa. But honestly, you probably should aim higher than Kappa. Nobody likes a humanoid turtle who peeks up girl's skirts.

Japan mythos is kind of . . . well, erm. . .

Yeah.

For your edumication, I will make up some haikus for you. Please, read on with adoration.

Final Fantasy XIII-2

Noel has finally
changed his horrific sack pants
he now wears tutus

Jello
I stare at my plate
watch it jiggle, shake, and bend
And then I think, "Why?"

The Mall
I buy some clothes
I sit down and watch people
I am very bored.

Orange
Nothing rhymes with you.
I will buy the dictionary
and create "Florange".

Final Fantasy XIII-2-2
Noel lost his tutu.
Thank the Lord that it's done with,
but now he wears kilts.

My Diamond Sword
You cannot afford
my diamond sword. If you could
I have a patent.

Love
When your stomach flops
and the world shakes and rotates
Love has come for you

Love II

When your stomach flops
and the world shakes and rotates
you might have the flu.

Toaster
Stare at the toaster
wait wait wait wait for the bread
POP! AH!  SO STARTLING!

Novel
I love you but please
could you write yourself a bit?
I need a small break

Homework
Why why why why why
why why why why why why why
why aren't you done?

Final Fantasy XIII-2-3
Noel lost all his kilts
They were tossed upon a fire
He cries. And we laugh.

And there you have it. These are the skills of a haiku ninja. If you wish to obtain my massive skills, you must receive proper training. Write a haiku everyday, and someday you will be almost as good as me. Let us start your epic journey today. Respond to this blog post in haiku form and I will up your rank from Sandal Scraper to An00bis. I look forward to being your sensei.

No go read some manga. You have some studying to do.

Your sensei,

Esther