Ultimate Rap War

Hello everybody!

Well, I must say that our most recent guest post was a breath of fresh air. I really enjoyed it, and liked the pictures too.

So, my younger brother Ethan was sitting at the computer, playing some game about dolphins, when I broke through the door wearing a cape and said.

"YO BRO! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A RAP WAR!"

He turned to me, his eye squinted with rage.

"Sure, okay," he said.

So we began our battle. I've never had a rap war before, and let's just say that it gave me a little respect for the rappers that exist. Sure, I still hate them, but it is really, really hard to create a good rhythm and rhyme. The rules were as follows:

1. The challenger makes the first rap, then reads it aloud
2. The next challenger has seven minutes to come up with a responding rap
3. Then the other challenger writes another rap in seven minutes
4. It goes until we get bored

We stopped at I think five raps each. My first rap was terrible, but I improved as I went. Ethan maintained a steady force throughout the entire thing. It was an epic battle. If you are interested in viewing epicness, behold our entire rap war:

The entire thing is about five minutes long. In it, you can watch me fumble on dozens of words, crack up laughing, and make silly faces. Did my brother mess up while reading his raps? You'll have to watch and see.

If for some reason you do not like videos, here is the transcript of the raps here:

RAP ONE: CHALLENGE (ESTHER)

Yo, yo yo my bro
I issue you a battle
So get your butt in your rhyming saddle
come on and try to beat this
in just five minutes
 can’t beat me
can’t you see
the whole world’s cheering for me
Want to surrender?
That’s too bad
I find your cowardice pretty sad
so come up with a rhyme and then we’ll see
if you’re good enough to conquer me

RAP ONE (ETHAN)

Now that rap was hot-headed, wouldn’t you say?

And after that insult, I’m gonna make you pay.

After this rap, just give me the crown.

Since it is quite obvious, who is the clown.

Now it’s my turn, to give a verbal beat-down.

Now this rap’s just a tasting, of my rhyming skill.

Next rap I’m swoopin’ in, comin’ in for the kill.

RAP TWO: What was that?(ESTHER)

Are you trying to scare me with your little words?
cause I think you winning is pretty absurd
You’re like a peacock, strutting and proud
but all you’ll ever be is so dang loud
Give me a shout out
give me a hoot
cause I’m giving your butt the boot
Step aside, if you please
cause all your rapping smells like old cheese.

RAP TWO(ETHAN)

She dares to call me “so dang loud”.

When all she ever does is scream and shout.

But I’ll take that shot, and deliver a smack.

‘Cause I know all she sounds like is a furious yak.

Her raps make sick, they’re making me hack.

‘Cause when it comes to talent, all she has is a lack.

RAP THREE: (Esther)
I have a bat in my hand a sword in the other
no holding back although you’re my brother
your rapping is a mess just plain garbage
you rhyme so poorly your mother pressed charges
You think you’re Ratchet when you’re just clank
I’m taking this one straight to bank
No crying no sobbing when I say
It’s gonna be my rap that wins the day

RAP THREE(Ethan)

I was going to apologize, my last rap was mean.

But I’m taking it back, after that scene.

Insult after insult, can you do something else?

Your rap was so hurtful, it gave my heart welts.

It’s easy to insult, so I won’t stoop so low.

So I’ll give a praise, you’re a nice warm glow.

NOT!

RAP FOUR: (Esther)

You want a compliment I didn’t know you were soft
so here’s a little one I think you’ll like it a lot
You’re as pretty as mole
And smart as one too
You smell like rotten apples
and taste like them too
So maybe I’m mean
I’m maybe the Grinch
But I’ll cool off my raps when you clean off that stench
Are you kind of sleepy?
would you like a nice nap?
cause I’m sure you’re pretty tired
from all your poor raps

RAP FOUR

Now that was a cheap shot, since when do I stink?

Even if I did, it’s better than being mean.

But since that hit my heart string,

And by that I mean ouch.

Could you please quit insulting, and being such a grouch.

Since it doesn’t even matter, I could beat you on the couch.

RAP FIVE:

You try to hit it home
but instead you just strike
You drive into a cone
when you’re riding your bike
The captain goes down when his ship is sinking
and it looks like your rap is kind of leaking
you want to win but here I’ll tell ya
there’s no magic you’re not Cinderella
so let’s call it quits before the damage is done
because your expression is pretty stunned
so here I’m going walking out the door
until you call me for another rap war

RAP FIVE

You keep hitting me, with those verbal knocks.

When you’re the scared little kitten,

And I’m the massive ox.

Well I’ve had enough you, you hear me, that’s it!

You said I struck out, but there you sit.

Without a hit,

I think it’s time for you to quit.

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Well, there you have it! Our first rap war. Perhaps I will improve over time. I doubt it, but hey. What do you think of our mad rapping skills?

Peace out, yo,

Esther