Novel Excerpt! "The Messenger"

Hello, my buddies! I'm now 21,000 words into my novel. It's going pretty well. The outline has really helped. Anyway, I thought today I would give you an excerpt from chapter one! It doesn't give a lot of the story, but I feel like it gives you a taste of the pacing of my novel. Each of my chapters are incredibly short, averaging about 1,200 words. Oh well.
My novel's working title is The Messenger. Here is the description:

Marcus Kites is a nineteen year old messenger who delivers top-secret messages for the massive military of the Balta Empire. After losing his family eleven years ago during a raid, he had cut himself off from most people, his own thoughts for company. However, when a message delivery goes horribly wrong, Marcus discovers that the message he is to deliver is an assassination order to kill the ruler of Katania, which would start a massive continental war. Marcus has two choices: to deliver the message like he is told, or deliver the message to the enemy Katania in order to prevent the assassination. Morals are challenged and character is grown as Marcus sets off on his adventure to do what's right for his country -- and his heart.

This story also includes a talkative griffin, sentient chipmunks, strange mushrooms, pirates, and a pretty young woman that Marcus just can't seem to get off his mind.

Here is Chapter Twelve!  Rough draft, but hopefully it's readable. Comments are appreciated.


Chapter Twelve

I bolt awake. My eyes are heavy and I have trouble focusing. My ears ring like the church bell: it’s a loud, repetitive sound.  Before I see anything through the pulsing haze, I smell something.

Grass. Wood. Dirt.

Nature?

My vision clears, and I see I’m in a forest. But it isn’t any normal forest. The trees are so tall here I can barely make out their tops. Their branches are at least fifty feet out of reach. The trunks are massive. The smallest trees have trunks with a ten foot diameter. The bark of the trees is all a blackish-brown, and patterned nearly like cobblestone.

“Crap,” I mutter. I know what trees these are. They are ironwood trees. And ironwood trees only grow in one place in the world. I must be in Ironwood Forest, somewhere in between New Adlin and Maritha. 

How the heck did I get here? And why the heck am I here? The last thing I remember is being on the back of a temperamental griffin, flying away from an exploding airship.

Airship.

My head begins to throb as images ram themselves against the confines of my skull. We were attacked by sky pirates. Where did they come from? That doesn’t matter. What matters is that we were attacked, and we lost. I slam my fist against the wood of a random tree out of anger, and instantly regret the action. Now my hand throbs along with my head.

Grigory had been killed. I saw it with my eyes. I wonder who else had died, who had suffered horribly. I can’t bear to think about it. Maybe most of us had gotten away before it was too late. There were five escape pods, and each could seat several people.  General Scarn had taken a whole one just for himself, the craven idiot.

I kick another tree and now my feet, fists, and head all hurt. Rage, fear, embarrassment raid my insides. I feel like I’m going to burst. What am I going to do?

Calm down, Marcus, a voice echoes in my head. I’m stunned because it is not my own. Take a deep breath.

I obey the voice in my head, sure I’m going crazy. The air around me is warm, but it feels like ice as it glides through my lungs, cooling my body, and finally my head. I feel better. I take another breath, and then another. The world begins to clear and I feel almost human again.

Okay, I need to get my priorities straight. I’m in the middle of nowhere, Sephryn knows why. Wherever that griffin is, it is gone now. I pat my side, shocked that nothing is there. My messenger bag is gone. I lost it when I fell off the boat. In it were the things I needed to survive. I still have my knife and water bottle at my waist. That’s good. If I find water I won’t die so easily.

I think of the package I was supposed to deliver, and then of the girl. That slave. She had taken my message and run away with it like a possessed cat.  Had she managed to escape before the airship burst, or did she burn up in the flames? Either way, the message I was to deliver was lost forever. I just needed to focus on getting back home. I have never traveled through Ironwood, and I have no idea which way to go.

I look up in the sky. The sun is high, so it must be noon. How long had I been out?

Something hard slaps me in the back.

I almost lose my balance, but I don’t. Skipping forward, I grab my knife and whirl around.
I stare into the wide eyes of Gray, the atrocious griffin. He makes a funny face. I think he’s laughing at me. I point at him.

“Don’t you chuckle at me, you bird! Where the heck did you take me?”

 He squints his eyes at me. He whips his long tail and wraps it around my wrist. I try to struggle away, but it pulls me close. Gray starts to trot, dragging me along like some dog on a leash. I consider taking a swipe at his tail with my knife, but then I see we have walked into a strange clearing. Gray lets go of me and walks over an expanse of grass.

I look at the spot, and in the ground, words have been inscribed into the dirt with large talons. The amount of writing is massive.

“Did you write this?” I say. The griffin nods. I begin to read.

Marcus Kites, the writing begins, I must begin by saying that your snoring is hideous. I could barely sleep a wink, which made me miserable. In other news, I have dropped you in northern New Adlin, on the border between it and Maritha. It should be safe here, I think. Although with your dexterity, I doubt you won’t get far without tripping. I am going to leave you here and look for Valerius.

“You mean Vale?” I say. The griffin nods.

I think Vale might have managed to get out via a secret escape pod before the ship blew up, the paragraph continues.

This still left a lot of questions. Why did the griffin help me and not his best human friend?

He told me to get you as far away as possible, so I did.

Oh. Leave it to a griffin to take something literally.

You better thank me, human.

“Thanks,” I say. And I mean it. The griffin might be a jerk, but he saved my life. “Are you sure you can’t help me get out of here?”

The griffin shakes his head.

“Why not?” I demand. His tail wraps around my wrist again and he draws me to a different scribble in the dirt.

Because I don’t like you, the writing reads.

Wow, he really planned this conversation out. I feel remarkably stupid. I don’t get angry, though. It wouldn’t do me any good, and the griffin looks really concerned for Vale. I would only slow down his search, no matter how fruitless.

Suddenly, an image of the girl pops in my head. Her back is turned away, her silky hair blowing in the wind.

“I wonder where she went,” I mutter. And I wonder why I can’t get her out of my head.

The griffin’s tail grabs me around the waist and drags me to another inscription.

It appears that you are stricken with a strange emotion. If it deals with a girl, give her shiny things. Chicks dig shiny things.

I glance at the griffin and it opens its beak in some weird goofy smile, its eyes glittering. And then it winks at me. It opens its wings and begins to fly away. The gust from his wings blows my hair and lifts my shirt up. As he soars above me, I shout a thank you.

It lets out a resounding caw that nearly shatters my eardrums. I guess that means “you’re welcome”. I smile.

Water will be my priority now. I won’t be able to travel without the necessary materials. I trip on some root that peeks out of the ground. I fall on my chin with a painful thud. I see a message scrawled in the dirt.

That caw does not mean “you’re welcome”, it means “good luck, sucker”.

I knew I had a basis for hating griffins.

                                                            -------------------------

Well, there you have it! Did you like it at all? I think it's going to get funnier as it goes on, but I'll be careful to try to maintain my inner goofball for the sake of emotional integrity. Once again, comments are appreciated.

With huggles,

Esther