Interview With a Kappa (Fantasy Questions)

Hey, my unicorns!

Today, I want to interview a Kappa.

A kappa is a monster of Japanese folklore that is part man, part turtle. The top of its head is hollow and full of water, and if the water sloshes out, the kappa is unable to move. It also has a perverted streak because . . . it's from Japan.

Sloshy the Kappa has constipation.

Sloshy the Kappa wasn't available for an interview, so I decided to fill in his place and answer the questions in his stead.

SLOSHY THE KAPPA: Hey, I'm totally available! I'm right here!

I'm sorry. Did you hear something, audience?

SLOSHY THE KAPPA: Don't worry! I can answer all of your questions!

Oh well. I guess it was nothing.

SLOSHY THE KAPPA: I know the cure for the common cold --

Let's get to the interview! I think today should have a fantasy theme, don't you?

So Esther, how do you feel about the fantasy genre?

I love fantasy! I love how you can make up entire worlds if you want to, and all the creatures and magic that go alongside it. I've always found the fantastical answers to the questions of the universe (How was world created?) by old civilizations to be fascinating, as well.

What's your favorite type of fantasy?

I adore fairy tales. I simply adore them. The tales of the Brothers Grimm in particular interest me. I love to read about how the fairytales of different cultures vary, and how they are the same, too. For example, there are several different variations of the "Cinderella" story.

What is your favorite fantasy creature?

I like griffins in particular. I like their potential intelligence and their flexibility of a monster. I also think they are kind of beautiful. I also like dragons, but not the big ones. I prefer wyverns, although they can get pretty big too, I guess.

What is your least-liked fantasy creature?

The manananggal or the penanggalan kind of freak me out, especially the latter. I haven't ever been a big fan of the the whole "entrails dangling from a floating head" thing. On a less obscure note, vampires and werewolves annoy me. It isn't really fair of me to hate them, though. I just can't stand the way they have been used in the popular media.

Maybe I should write a vampire love story.

What is your favorite fairy tale?

I quite enjoy "The Boy Who Set Forth to Learn What Fear Was", because it is funny and unique. I remember enjoying "Snow White and Rose Red" as a child. "Beauty and the Beast" is totally awesome, and not just because it was made into the best movie ever. "The Brave Little Tailor" is fun too.

What fairy tale do you dislike?

"The Little Mermaid" depresses the heck out of me. Just thinking about it makes me slouch in despair.

What is your favorite fantasy book?

I actually don't read a lot of fantasy books. Howl's Moving Castle, Skin Hunger, Fairest, Ella Enchanted, and a couple others come to mind.

What is your least-liked fantasy book?

Mistress of Dragons.

Oh my goodness, that book was something else. I suppose I could call it engrossing, but for all the wrong reasons.

What is your favorite fantasy cliche?

I actually enjoy most fantasy cliches. I mean, they are cliches because people like them, so they were used a lot.

What is your least-liked fantasy cliche?

The one were the mentor always has to die, and the one where all heroes start out as humble farm lads. (I have used the latter myself. Twice. Call me a hypocrite.)

What is your favorite "fantasy" song?

Call me cliche, but this.

It blows my socks off.

What is your favorite fantasy name?

Well, Rylu and Sephryn.

They both have "y" in them. That's because I like "y".

Who is your favorite fantasy character?

Okay, this is only because of his movie representation, but Aragorn from The Lord of the Rings.

Isn't he beautiful?

*sigh*

*sigh*

I'm going to watch The Two Towers, now, so I guess I should go. I'm not leaving because I just looked at pictures of Aragorn on the internet and I need some LoTR, I swear.

I swear it.

SLOSHY THE KAPPA: Wait! What about me?

Darn it, I think I heard a noise again. Maybe it's the pipes leaking.

SLOSHY THE KAPPA: Come on lady! Why am I trapped in this cage --

Oh look at the time!

Don't let a kappa flip up your skirt or kilt,

Esther